Dad: *being weird*
Me: you are NOT my father
Dad: excuse me you are the fruit of my loins..
Dad: you are the result of my pleasures..
Dad: do you know you were once a little white tadpole..
Me: *runs away screaming*
One evening while I made the announcement over the PA system that the library would be closing in twenty minutes, I noticed a 4-year-old girl looking up at the ceiling, then all around at the walls. Finally she turned around and saw me.
4-year-old [whispering]: “Did you do that? Was that you talking?”
Me: “Yes, it was me.”
4-year-old [gazing at me in adoration]: “You are so awesome.”